I Need a Nap (Read Time: 3 min.)

Sleep deprivation puts me in a weird place and I'm in a weird place today.  I feel like the world is on my shoulders, like I've got so much to do in so little time, and I feel the bigness of all of it.  Staying present has been difficult today and guess what?  I have days like this.

As I work to get present and centered, I find myself observing life.  Whether I'm looking for clues, answers, or signs, I'm noticing things today and getting bothered by stuff today that wouldn't normally catch my attention.  That's the signal to me that I need to rest, rejuvenate and get back to me.    It all boils down to one word: stressed.

So many things aren't going according to plan that I'm almost to the point of throwing out the whole damn plan.  Ever watch something unfold not knowing how exactly it's going to end?  That's how I feel about life in this moment.

I know it's all good.  I know things work out but I'm looking at each day and wondering, "What is the meaning of this?"  When you're young, you watch all these movies that feature these "defining" moments, moments where the protagonist wakes up to life, goes "AHA!" and arrives.  At 16, I thought that "arrival" would happen at 25.  At 34, I realize that there is no arriving.  Here is what is and the present is where the future is created.  It's all about the now baby... and the futuristic part of me simply isn't having that. 

But, rather than fight life, I've decided to join with it.  I say to myself, "Be here now."  I remind myself, at times, to not worry about what can't be controlled or changed.  I work hard to center myself through meditation and prayer. 

Life is changing and it's all good.  I'm still learning how to be good with any changes.  But there's a part or me that rebels against it.  In the words of Ebenezer Scrooge, that part is looking at life right now and is saying "Ba humbug!"