Where do you live: power or control? (Read Time: 3 min.)

I have no idea what this post is going to be about.  The last few weeks of my life have been eye opening.  Spiritual lessons I thought I got... I didn't.  People I thought had my back... didn't.  Situations I thought had settled down... haven't.  It's amazing how much change happens when change isn't the thing you want happening.

So what does it all mean? 

There's the pessimist part of me that wants to declare, "Life sucks!" and there's the Pollyanna part of me that wants to chuckle and say "I can hardly wait to see the good that's going to come out of this!" and the rest of me is simply sitting back going, "Here we go again..."

I'm learning that life is about fluctuation and change.  There is no external constant but change.  And this is where one of my biggest spiritual lessons comes in.  I'm a control freak.  I love control.  It makes me feel safe.  But the older I get, the more I realize that control is one of the most unsafe things to possess.  Why?  Because it's an illusion and, at some point, the bubble's going to burst.

Either I trust the process of life or I don't and if I do, then I've got to be willing to put my iron fist down, let it all hang out and just live... and that's the point that I'm getting to.  I'm not sure whoever paired power and control together but they screwed the whole thing up. 

Power is being able to exist in a world you can't control and still feel safe.  Power is being able to wake up with joy even when you know the day holds painful experiences.  Power is being able to let other people be who they are and not wish they were someone different.  Power is the ability to choose peace even when it would be so much easier to choose whining, complaining chaos.  Power is knowing that no matter what in the world changes, I don't have to.  Power is being able to stand in my integrity even when doing so costs me what I wasn't willing to spend.  Power is about being honest when a day is shitty, honest when you're so pissed you can't see straight, and honest when it's time to do something different.

I've spent the first thirty three years on my life counting on control and it's been quite a let down.  I'm finally read to start standing in my power and owning the fact that I have no clue where this is going AND I'm willing to take the risk.