Going all the way... (Read Time: 2 min.)

Last week, someone on Twitter posted about setting up their speaking schedule for 2012 and I thought to myself, "I want to do that!"  And then I thought to myself, "What's stopping me?" 

Me...

That one tweet spurred in me a desire to do something that I love to do but that I've refrained for doing for ridiculous reasons.  Part of my perfectionist tendencies involves me feeling like everything has to be "right" in order for me to step out.  But if I get real with myself, I understand that "right" is another word for "procrastinate."  The time will never be right until I make it right.

So, having said all of that, I need to get a 2012 speaking plan in order.  Where do I start?  Hmmm, a goal?  No.  A dream? Done.  A plan? Maybe. 

Where I'm starting is one small, powerful step and that step is decide the first place I'd like to speak and make one phone call this week. 

Let's go!

Where do you live: power or control? (Read Time: 3 min.)

I have no idea what this post is going to be about.  The last few weeks of my life have been eye opening.  Spiritual lessons I thought I got... I didn't.  People I thought had my back... didn't.  Situations I thought had settled down... haven't.  It's amazing how much change happens when change isn't the thing you want happening.

So what does it all mean? 

There's the pessimist part of me that wants to declare, "Life sucks!" and there's the Pollyanna part of me that wants to chuckle and say "I can hardly wait to see the good that's going to come out of this!" and the rest of me is simply sitting back going, "Here we go again..."

I'm learning that life is about fluctuation and change.  There is no external constant but change.  And this is where one of my biggest spiritual lessons comes in.  I'm a control freak.  I love control.  It makes me feel safe.  But the older I get, the more I realize that control is one of the most unsafe things to possess.  Why?  Because it's an illusion and, at some point, the bubble's going to burst.

Either I trust the process of life or I don't and if I do, then I've got to be willing to put my iron fist down, let it all hang out and just live... and that's the point that I'm getting to.  I'm not sure whoever paired power and control together but they screwed the whole thing up. 

Power is being able to exist in a world you can't control and still feel safe.  Power is being able to wake up with joy even when you know the day holds painful experiences.  Power is being able to let other people be who they are and not wish they were someone different.  Power is the ability to choose peace even when it would be so much easier to choose whining, complaining chaos.  Power is knowing that no matter what in the world changes, I don't have to.  Power is being able to stand in my integrity even when doing so costs me what I wasn't willing to spend.  Power is about being honest when a day is shitty, honest when you're so pissed you can't see straight, and honest when it's time to do something different.

I've spent the first thirty three years on my life counting on control and it's been quite a let down.  I'm finally read to start standing in my power and owning the fact that I have no clue where this is going AND I'm willing to take the risk. 



The Crucial Role Critical People Play in Your Life (Read time: 3 min.)

Have any critical people in your life?

 There are those people in your life who, no matter what you do or say, find fault with what you've done or said.  Far too often, those people are closer to us than we'd like.  Whether it's a parent, sibling, spouse, partner, or co-worker, when an outer critic is prevalent in your life, you feel it in your spirit. 

And the question is:

What do you do about it?

Here's the thing: those critical people are crucial components of your life's spiritual agenda. They are some of your greatest teachers.  Although there might be pain with their presence, there's also one important thing you're gaining with every experience: power. 

Learning that your opinion of you is more important than another person's opinion of you is one of the most important lessons that come with having a critic in your life.  Those people weren't put in your life to approve of you... and you weren't put in their lives to fight for and gain their approval.  No, the goal of this holy encounter is one thing and one thing only:

To learn that you don't need anybody else's approval

to be who you are. 

In fact, the reason that person doesn't approve of you (and probably will never approve of you) is because they weren't sent here to be your pep coach.  They were placed in your path to teach you that you don't need one.

At the end of the day, when and how you set clear boundaries with critical people is up to you.  But, in doing so, don't think that shutting people out is the answer to the question of life being asked.  When you're presented with close friends or family who constantly criticize you, it's time to stop, step back and ask yourself two questions:

1) Whose approval do I really need?
2) How can I learn to only need the approval I give to myself?

Those are the two powerful questions that help you see critical people in a new way.  When you do, you also realize that you don't have to denounce, disown or destroy someone who criticizes you.  All you have to do is denounce, disown and destroy the power you've given them to determine how much you're allowed to grow.  In that moment, you become so large and so powerful that what they say falls on deaf ears.

Why?

Because you've learned the lesson they've come to teach you:

No one else's opinion of you is as crucial as the opinions you have about yourself... and only you control that.

The Body Ecology Experiment (Read Time: 3 min.)

Hot cocoa and gluten/wheat free chocolate chip cookies... what could be better? 

I've spent the last twelve days working through The Body Ecology Diet.  It's an interesting philosophy- shift your inner ecosystem, change your life.  I totally get it.  And, quite frankly, it works.  I have more energy and I feel like I do have a cleaner digestive system. 

The Body Ecology way of eating, however, is way too strict for my life.  I like the idea of waking up, drinking a green drink, having some warm water with lemon juice, and guzzling down 64 ounces of water before having some blueberries an hour later.  That passes a great deal of the morning so meal one typically happens around 9 am.  What I don't like is the utter restriction of it all, feeling like I can only eat certain things, not feeling free to have some hot cocoa and cookies when I'm PMSing or feeling too scared to have tator tots when I've cooked a big Sunday breakfast.

All in all, the lesson I've learned from this Body Ecology experiment is this: what works for one doesn't work for all.  Donna Gates says that clearly in the Body Ecology Diet book.  At the same time, how do you not feel like a failure when you fall off the bandwagon?

Here's how: commit to eating your way and own it. 

So here's my way of eating: 70% Body Ecology, 30% fun food.  That might be hot cocoa and cookies after a salmon/veggie/quinoa dinner or it might mean tator tots with egg whites and baby carrots on a Sunday morning or it might even mean (Heaven forbid) a slice of chocolate cake on New Year's Eve.  Either way, I'm giving myself permission to eat with my whole life (not just my whole body) in mind and, already, I feel like a winner:)

Five Rules of Self Love (Read Time: 3 min.)

The journey to self-love is an evolving, life long process.  I'm reminded of that almost every day.  As I work on my own level of self love, I hear the words of Louise L. Hay, "When you really, really love yourself, everything in your life works."  Notice she didn't say "Some" things; she said everything. 

As I embark upon this continuous journey of learning how to love myself more, I find myself looking for ways to remember that loving myself is a continuous choice I am honored to make.  Here are 5 rules of self love that I created to remind myself of that very choice:

Rule #1: I love my flaws because they're part of my brilliance.  What makes us unique is also what makes us imperfect.  Loving our flaws means we're okay with where we are.  Things don't have to be a certain way and we don't have to be a certain kind of person.  Right here, right now, exactly where you are, you ARE good enough.

Rule #2: I love my mistakes because they give me permission to grow. Every mistake is an invitation to change.  Without the mistake, we could spend years going on living in the lie that we're perfect.  Nobody is and every mistake invites us to be MORE of who we already are.

Rule #3: I love where I am because it's exactly where I'm supposed to be.  Trusting the process of life is a great way of knowing that where you are is exactly where you need to be.  There's peace in that.  It allows you to be still even as you move forward.

Rule #4: I love people for who they are because they remind me that we all deserve love simply because...  In any moment, we can love people or we can judge them but we can't do both at the same time.  Whatever we do to others we are, on some level, doing to ourselves.  This rule reminds me that all great things begin and end with love.  I can leave criticism and judgment alone because love is what lights the way of change.  When I love someone else as they are, it gives me the room to love myself as I am. 

Rule #5: I deserve and accept the best now.  I don't have to wait to be perfect to deserve what I really, really want.  Knowing that there is no order of difficulty in miracles, knowing that nothing is impossible for God, knowing that in a split second, everything could change for the better reminds me that it's not what I do that brings me my highest good but who I am choosing to be as I embrace the good that lies ahead. 

Body Ecology Day 2- Freedom or Restriction? (Read Time: 3 min.)

I am lying in bed, pretty much unable to move. 

Why you might ask?

Well, I threw out my back this morning carrying my 5 year old in and out of the car as I carpooled my older two sons to school.  As I lie here, I can't help but think, "God is tryin' to tell me something."  So I started today really good on The Body Ecology Diet.  I wasn't hungry, drank 96 oz before sundown, and felt... well, deprived. 

I don't know what it is about this diet.  My body feels great on it but my psyche does a number on me.  I watched my husband have a cup of coffee this morning and, before you know it, my inner child was throwing a temper tantrum about why I can't have coffee and sugar.  On top of that, I was craving a piece of toast... so I had one... and I felt great about it... for about 2 hours... and then came the sugar crash followed by the bloating feeling followed by the lower back pain and muscle spasms.

My "new" plan of allowing myself to follow some of "The Body Ecology" rules but not all of them while also exercising more totally backfired because now that my back's gone out on me (first time in all of my 33 years of life this has ever happened), I can't exercise and, without further ado, I realize that here I am repeating the spiritual 6th grade again.

So what's the lesson?  I'm supposed to be on The Body Ecology Diet and I better get with the program before the Universe sends me a larger message.  Needless to say, I am getting the message.

As Scarlett O'Hara would say, "Tomorrow is another day..."

Back at square one tomorrow.  Oy vey!

What's Your Goliath? (Read Time: 3 min.)

I was watching T.D. Jakes this morning and he (as always) gave a powerful sermon.  One of his questions really struck me:

What's your goliath?

At one point, he stated, "Your provision is in your problem..."

Think about that for a second...

I'm on day #1 of The Body Ecology Diet (http://www.bodyecology.com/) and I can't say it's wonderful.  It's not.  I'm detoxifying my body and my energy levels are in the tank.  I got to cook a big Sunday breakfast this morning and watch my family eat pancakes, french fries and eggs as I had broccoli, egg whites and chicken breast for breakfast.  But the achievement of any dream is not in the dreaming; it's in the doing. 

I plan to step out into the world by April 1st touting the measurements 36", 28", 38."  I plan to run three marathons next year.  I plan to look better at 35 than I did at 25 so in order to do that, I have to be willing to pay the price. 

And here's the deal: my weight has, for decades, been my goliath.  It's time for that bad boy to get slayed.  At another point in the sermon, T.D. Jakes said "The reward was not in fighting Goliath; it was in defeating Goliath." 

And here are some questions I'd like you to consider this week:

What's your goliath? 
How long have you been fighting him?
When are you going to finally decide to defeat him and win?
What will it take to do that?
What's kept you from begining the process?
What will your life look like once you get that slingshot and defeat that bad boy?

It's now or never.  Do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do. 

I've Been Reborn (Read time: 3 min.)

There are points in my life where I get to this exact moment: impatient.  At this moment, I feel like life took a step back in a number of different areas while it took leaps and bounds forward in others... and it leaves me wondering: is this how life goes? 

To read Facebook posts from my peers, it would seem that life is a peachy doory road of ever increasing joy and achievement and there are some moments when I wonder to myself: Am I the only person who has setbacks?  It's a good thing I'm a coach and I know better than that.

Here's the truth: most people won't tell you the truth about their lives, about their failures, about their pain, and about their hurt.  They won't share with you some of their biggest discoveries because those discoveries are hidden within less-than-desirable experiences. 

But I'm here to blow that fake-it-til-you-make-it b.ss out of the water.  In my life, right now, here's the deal: I am not where I'd like to be and I have three key things in my life that need to change RIGHT NOW.  The most pressing for me, at the moment, is my health which is why I'm starting (gulping as I say this) the Body Ecology Diet tomorrow.  I need a major shift in the area of my health.  At 33, I no longer relish in the idea of having plenty of time.  I want to get pregnant and since IVF is the only route available and since I am a few months away from turning 34, I have no choice but to go into this IVF journey in my best shape yet... and that means I have to make some serious choices about how I treat my body. 

Do I know how I'm going to get used to the idea of eating fruit on a empty stomach, not eating couscous or brown rice, not eating most fruits most of the time, and not having protein at dinner?  No, I have no idea how I'm going to do it.  The only thing I know is that the Universe has been telling me for months that this is exactly what I need to do and being the stubborn person that I am, I'm finally listening. 

Here's the deal: I am tired of existing in my own life, of cherishing moments of peace and joy and not basking in the beauty, breadth and pleasure of living my best life yet.  I've spent far too long waiting for the right time, the right moment, the right opportunities and the right amount of money to be all of who I am.  That nonsense ends today.  This is my life and while I'm sure I've lived many lives before and have many more lives to go, this is the one I'm working on right now and I owe it to myself to live that to its fullest.

So, without further ado, without apology or remorse, with regret or disdain, I am rebirthing myself in full. 

Hello world!  Kassandra Bibas has been reborn!

Can You Commit? (Read Time: 3 min.)

I woke up this morning with one goal: do 10 things on a daily basis for the next 365 days.  It seems easy enough to do, right?  Wrong.  For most of us, we're pretty consistent at being inconsistent.  We do the basics and then wonder why life only returns the basics. 

In watching a video from T. Harv Eker (see the video here: http://tinyurl.com/nbtbb), it dawned on me that success is really as easy as he explained it: "It's the simple things done over long periods of time that will give you permanent and constant results."  But, here's the question: 

What simple things are you doing

over long periods of time (years)?

We're in an age of quick fixes.  Every gimmick, article, email sign up and offer I see is about how to do in ten days what it actually takes ten years to do.  People are sold on the idea of taking shortcuts, even if those shortcuts cost them in the long term.

Here's the truth:

There are no shortcuts to permanent and constant results. 

Either you're in it to win it or you're not.  The problem so many of us have is that we haven't been taught how to be persistent and consistent in the little  things.  We look at our lives and think, "I've got to persevere and hold onto my dreams."  That's nice but the bigger picture is only achieved when the every day steps are taken EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I've decided to challenge myself to be persistent and consistent for the next 365 days in 10 ways.  I know it's not going to be easy.  I know that I haven't had 365 consecutive days of consistency and persistence in these areas before and I've made up my mind to make the commitment to me AND for me.

If you're ready to take on the 365 Day Commitment  Challenge, download the worksheet to the right and get started NOW!  Don't wait for next week, next month, or next year.  Anyone who's coached with me knows my motto:

DO IT NOW!

Remembering Gratitude, Finding Joy... (Read Time: 1 min.)

I was reading a blog post by Colette Baron-Reid called "Just Chill Out! The Magic Power of Giving Up Your Agenda!" (http://tinyurl.com/6jslba7) and, at the end of the post, Colette says "Go on a gratitude cleanse for one full week. Make a conscious effort to look for what you’re grateful for in the now. I challenge you to write down 20 each day. You’ll be amazed at the transformative power of a new set of eyes!"

So that's what I've done.  I pulled out my favorite black notebook and wrote down 25 things I'm grateful for and, by the time I got to the end of that list, I was in tears.  It's so easy to get caught up in what's not working in your life, to think that what's not working or what's missing has far more importance than what you actually do have.  We forget that there's so much available to us RIGHT NOW.  We miss out on the awe-inspiring experience of standing in bliss because we have been provided with more than we ever could've imagined... right here, right now.

It's Day 1 of my gratitude cleanse and I am left feeling so grateful and so inspired because I am reminded today that nothing in my life is missing, not one single thing and that feels good.

My Monster's Celebration (Read Time: 3 min.)

I've begun a new journey of making Sunday my day of rest... a real day of rest, a day where I don't do work, don't think about work, and focus my attention on letting go, letting be, embracing life, and relaxing, knowing that all my needs and desires are met BEFORE I even ask.  So, as I spent the day doing tai chi, qui gong, meditating, and reading Amanda Owen's "The Power of Receiving", I decided to start holding what Amanda calls a "Monster's Celebration."

This is so in line with my chosen approach to doing therapy (Internal Family Systems).  In "The Power of Receiving", Amanda states that "When you create a Monster Celebration, you are inviting the parts of yourself that you have cast out into the Little Circle back into the Big Circle.  Here is some of what you may have evicted: anger, hope, disappointment, laziness, vulnerability, competence, competitiveness, optimism." 

So a Monster's Celebration is exactly what I did for 12 minutes today.  I meditated and the "monster" that came out of my closet was the frightened, worried little girl, the part of me that's always worried that things are going to go wrong, that she'll be left behind, that she won't be safe.  In my meditation, I set a beautiful circular table for one.  Candles were on the table.  Violins were playing in the background.  There were two escorts in tuxedos waiting to help her to the table.  With her magic wand and in her princess dress, she came out of the closet and was escorted to her table.   

Dressed in my own Cinderalla like gown, when my frightened, worried little girl (about 5 years old) sat down, I asked her what she wanted to eat and she requested rolls and butter.  She had a magic wand and every time she wanted something, she'd click the magic wand and someone would bring her something else.  I could tell she enjoyed it.  When I asked her if she minded being alone, she said she liked it.  I asked her why she didn't want anyone else around and she explained that she liked being alone, that she didn't like the noise of so many other people.  I asked her if she ever felt sad or lonely, and she responded, "No.  I know if I ever get scared, you'll be there."

There was so much revealed to me during this meditation.  I realized that I've shunned this part of myself out of fear of looking weak.  I see now that this part of me is very strong, that her worries and concerns are valid and that I have to include her in me because she is a part of me.  I was able to hug her in the meditation at the end and tell her "I'm always with you" and she believed me. 

What a powerful exercise!  Per Amanda's suggestion, I'm going to keep doing this meditation.  I'm going to see how this changes my ability to manifest what I really, really want.  Most importantly, I know that this is bringing me closer to a place of acceptance and self love for myself.  Loving ALL of me means I accept and embrace all PARTS of me. 

This is a powerful first step!

Check out Amanda Owen's "The Power of Receiving" at: http://www.thepowerofreceiving.com/

Two Powerful Daily Rituals... (Read Time: 3 min.)

Lately, I've been feeling less peaceful.  I'm getting my 7 hours a night of sleep, I read the bible every night, and I've been off of sugar, caffeine and dairy now for 25 days.  So life is good.  But, this morning, I woke up feeling really pissed off, not happy with life and this and that and what not.  I was emotional, drained, feeling way too busy and not feeling like I had enough freedom in my life.  I just kept thinking "I need to do what I need to be able to do!"  (Pout, pout, pout).

And, by the end of today, it hit me: where'd my meditation go?

I used to meditate and affirm for thirty minutes each morning.  I'd do ten minutes of deep breathing followed by 10 minutes of chakra clearing with Denise Linn followed by mirror work doing affirmations.  It was a habit.  And then something changed...

I created a new powerful routine: getting seven hours of sleep a night.  As wonderful as it is to get a full night's rest and to wake up focused and ready for the day, equally important is beginning my day with a clear mind and, for the last few weeks, I haven't been clear. 

Frustrated and ready to cry, I took some time to really look at what was missing... and here are two new powerful daily routines I'm making non-negotiables in my life: 30 minutes of meditation/prayer/affirmation at the start of my day and ending my work day with a gratitude list.

It's so easy to get caught up in limitations, what's not working, to take every not-so-nice word people tell you personally.  When you're not peaceful, every little thing takes on BIG meaning.  But, when you begin the day grounded in peace and you leave work (and re-enter home life) filled with praise, EVERYTHING changes...

So, starting today, that's exactly how I choose to live my life.

From Good Girl to Great Woman (Read Time: 2 min.)

I've spent alot of my life trying to be a "good girl."  It's taken me 33 years to come to grips with a simple truth:

Being the good girl sucks. 

What is "good" anyway? 

I once had someone say to me, "Kass, you're really not that nice" and you know what?  She was right.  At 33, I've reached the point where I'm sick and tired of putting other people's needs, concerns, and desires before my own.  I'm tired of working hard to go above and beyond the call of duty so I can receive that pat on the book or hear those words of approval.  I now see that I've spent over 30 years of my life doing that because I wasn't getting the approval from the one person I needed to get it from most: ME. 

And so now I'm stepping up to the plate.  I love me more than anyone else.  I care for me better than anyone can.  I put my needs center stage and I don't apologize for it nor do I explain my motives.  I'm happy to say yes or no but as far as explaining to you (in great detail) why I feel the way that I do, you can take that where?  BACK THERE!

Because here's the truth: Far too many women spend their entire lives trying to be "good girls" and they miss the purpose of their own destiny which is to become a GREAT WOMAN.

Someone who's trying to perpetually be a "good girl" has no room to receive her great womanhood.  Why?  Because you can't be accommodating and fearless at the same time.  There's no room to grow if your goal is to fit into somebody else's box.  Your life has no room to expand into greatness if what you do, on a daily basis, is play small so someone else can feel big.  No, it doesn't work and the truth is, I had enough time being a little girl, living under the roles and rules of someone else's definition of "good."  My "good" is what I decide and the path that I'm on has very little to do with acceptance and a hell of a lot to do with adventure. 

My transition from good girl to great woman may have taken a litle longer than I would've liked but I am so grateful that I am now here... and NOT going back.

Why Play the Role When You Can Write the Story? (Read Time: 3 min.)

I went in for an audition yesterday.  It felt like ages and, as I sat down, surrounded by walls of headshots and overeager, overprepared actors, I felt really out of place.  I no longer wanted that acting gig the way the other actors in the room wanted it.  I wasn't deep into my "preparation", going over lines and doing breathing techniques.  No, I was filling out some tax forms and playing on Twitter and Facebook on my Blackberry as I waited for my time to audition.

When I got in the room, I felt out of place.  I was standing in a room as two people listened to me cold read, as they inspected me from head to toe and, all the while, I was thinking to myself, "This is not what I want to do."

I left the place not at all concerned about whether or not I landed the part (and I didn't) but I was particularly amused by the fact that I had absolutely no investment in getting the part.  Isn't some aspect of manifestation the desire to have what it is you intend to manifest?  Yes... and no.

So I started to do some introspection: Why does acting no longer call to me?  Why wasn't I hungry to land roles the way I was three or four years ago?  Now that I finally have an agent, why am I not invested? 

And here's why:  Why should I play the role when I can write the whole story?

It's not enough for me to play somebody else's role, to fit into someone else's concept of who I "should" be or who I "can" play.  That's not how I roll.  I'm a writer.  I was born a writer.  I'm a writer who, at some point, wanted center stage and thought the easiest, fastest way to do that would be to play the star.  Truth be told, the leading actor or actress isn't the star but the script always is. 

So I'm coming to the place where I realize that I was born a writer and I'm always going to be a writer.  I don't like the limelight as much as I thought I did.  I like the power of my words and the way they come out of people who inhabit my characters.  That, to me, is power. 

And, when I think about it, so many people live their lives fighting to take on a role that's so much smaller than who they've been put on this earth to be.  So I say to those people:

Why play the "role" when you can write the whole story?

We are the writers of our lives, the creators of every single experience we encounter.  It's not enough for any one of us to be who somebody else thinks we should be or to live life in a "role" that we were cast in at an early age.  Parents don't do their children any favors by labeling them "the smart one" or "the cute one" or "the black sheep" but we do ourselves even fewer favors by holding onto and playing those roles to no end.

You are not a supporting character in the story of your life.  You are not the lead.  You're MORE than that.  You're the writer, producer, director and every other orchestrating part of the story of your life and you know what?  Why should you play the role when your job is to write the story? 

Forget about who you think you "should" be and go about the business of writing who you are choosing to be.  Let the adventure unfold one word at a time, one description at a time, one moment at a time and then see what happens next.  By far, it will be much more adventurous and amazing than anything you could've ever fit yourself into.  Do it!